actually, I'm a sock model
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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