love makes seman taste better
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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