I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
