You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
