Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
