she woke up with a sticky ear
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
the raccoons are back...
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