I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
