I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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