You're completely useless in the revolution.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
