My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
