It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
