just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
