you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Be still, my beating vagina.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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