my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
false alarm, still single
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