o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
