that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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