so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize