You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
