mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my being single is dangerous.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
