just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
