if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
