He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
