someone threw a dead crab at me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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