And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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