I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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