its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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