I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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