yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
