We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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