worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
