I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
