This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
