You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
