She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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