im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
