i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
