worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
