Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
