last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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