Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
did i walk over a car last night?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize