So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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