twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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