see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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