He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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