What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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