Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
