she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
