drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
