Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
