Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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