We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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