Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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