I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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