ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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