Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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