nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
