so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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