Moan for me like Helen Keller
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
