After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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