I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize