She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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