I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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