Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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