I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
