worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
