Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize