So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
