If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
