My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
