This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
